The sea makes everything better.

Last weekend I made a two hour train trip to Den Haag to see some friends when it should have only taken an hour. We drank wine. And lots of beer. And then we couldn't ride our bikes anymore and we laughed and we laughed at the stupidity of it all because it was raining so hard and the sane people were indoors and then we howled to the moon. (Even though we couldn't see it)

Then we woke up, drowsy, hungry, ill. So I said let's go to the sea and and so we cycled to the beach and stood barefoot in the sea. We drank the wind and it ate away all the yuck we felt refreshed. Clean, pure and barefoot, we drank tea in hut on the beach.

Then I came back and worked and it was hugely miserable until my OWN violin arrived in the post! Along with a small selection of books and little things from around my room that my mama could find. I love her. I miss her.
And then F decided she wanted to learn how to play the piano which was actually quite successful- more successful than the violin, lets just say- and she can actually play a C major scale with the right fingers! And she sometimes growls at the same time!
Although it does get slightly tedious when she plays it over and over and over and over.
I'll have to think about something else to teach her.
All suggestions welcome!

Last Thursday I met with all the other au pairs in the area. We drank beer and laughed at eachothers shame. None of us speak dutch, none of us meant to come here, we are all home sick. So we stick together.
Especially on Wednesday mornings when breakfast in the HEMA supermarket is 1euro before 10am.

I met a really cool Irish au pair called Nina at a breakfast. We decided we were both from the UK so we need to be best friends. It's entirely very convenient that we have huge amounts in common and we'd have been friends anyway. we wandered around Amsterdam that day, lost and carefree. Remarking how goddamn WEIRD everything is.

Then I stayed on the train to Hilversum when she got off in Naarden, where our bikes were. I went to an SGI Holland meeting... It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever done. They were radiant souls and so so warm and open to me- we chanted and  discussed hardships and their relationships to us! It was magic and then we hugged and went home and i'll write more later because Nina is upset and I'm running to albertheijn to get some ben and jerry hugs.
Peace!

There are beautiful people in beautiful places

Today I am not sitting in an awkward position or in an awkward place and I don't even feel slightly awkward. It is sunny, hot, but the evening sunshine is gentle and the breeze is soft- I can tell because I have the bay window doors open and I can hear the occasional tick of something hard clanking against something harder in the wind. It's not invasive, though, don't worry. In fact sometimes it ticks along to the sound of my now horrifically loud music. (Moddi- Rubbles, incase you were wondering.)

I am alone but I do not feel lonely, not today. I drink ice cold mango juice and remark how dark my hands look against the apple white keyboard. The bay window doors are open because I had to break into my own house after coming back from Greenman festival because I forgot my key- I climbed over the back gate and revealed my overtly frilly, silk knickers to the world for the umpteenth time today. They are pretty. Everyone needs to see, I decided. Mostly my wonderful love doesn't seem to agree so much, though. I love him.

There are beautiful people in beautiful places. I got back from Moulins sur Allier on Wednesday night for my A level results on Thursday. I took the train there, and we took the train back together, my love and I. My journey there was tiring and sad. I hate being alone and lonely, I retreat into my imagination and the tears have no room so have to leak and it's sad.
 I stayed overnight with my crazy, beautiful friend in Paris and her sister and twin cousins- except 'one of them ate all the food in the womb and is bigger and brainier.' We walked around their flat in our underwear and sat on their warm, warm terrace at night and watched the lights and listened to the trains. My french is getting a lot better. We talked about buddhism and the flowers their mum planted on the terrace before it started to rain and we went inside.

Festivals are full of magic things. Smiles and dancing all night and small people holding you close. Swimming in lakes, green dripping hair, sunburn and smiling. Shooting stars and orange moons so you don't need a torch. Bats fluttering, flapping, so close and screaming, peeping so you keep still and listen. Like butterflies only bigger, growling.
Naragonia play beautiful music. They play so kindly, so so gently the notes tip-toe. They have smalls, very small smalls, and you can tell. They are gentle like lullabies so they can play and the smalls can sleep. Hushed dancing.
Thunderstorms and jelly and my most favourite people in the whole world..-

I try not to think about leaving
It takes away the fullness of my heart sometimes.

I got good A level results. But they're just letters on a piece of paper. And I'm not sure I want to go to University even when I get back from the Netherlands. I need to apply for Oxbridge but my enthusiasm fluctuates. But if I don't go to university, what do I do?

sometimes beautiful places are only beautiful because of the beautiful people that you love.

If it's not raining, it should be.

I am sitting cross-legged in the centre of my bedroom. This is not ideal, mostly becuase I have had no fresh air today. If it's not already raining, it should be, and not just because I am slightly selfish and it would add a touch of pathetic fallacy to today's mood... but the sky is actually screaming for rain and is, in turn, suffocating and heavy.
But that might just be the Mahler I'm listening to.
(Symphony number 4, if anyone's wondering.)

I think I'm coming down with something. Zzz
And I'm getting increasingly antsy about leaving. Why is everybody so lovely?

On the bright side of things, I am recieving Gohonzon in the last week of August! Which is quite exciting, after a whole 2 years! Nam myoho renge kyo!

Tomorrow I go back up North to see my love before we go to Paris next week to stay with a sweet friend and then on to Moulins to do some festivalling and dancing and playing with some beautiful people!